No Picket Fence Required

An exploration of how society’s enforcement of gender roles is damaging to humanity.

A common image of a family is the picket fence, a family dog, the man working, and the woman taking care of the children. This vision has transformed and is no longer the standard family image.

No matter your gender, age, or sexual orientation you can have a picture-perfect family based on what you want. The perfect family doesn’t exist, but striving for the classic idea of family is toxic. Toxic behaviors are rooted deep in society which creates negative side effects.

The inequality of gender is discussed, debated, and argued constantly. No matter the debates, everyone has an implicit bias that inadvertently stifles progress towards equality.

“Social norms are rules of action shared by people in a given society or group; they define what is considered normal and acceptable behaviour for the members of that group”- Sociology of Health & Illness, 2019

Fear of the female

Common jokes and satire are formed around gender roles in marriage. “Who wears the pants in the family” is a well-known comment people hear in mainstream media. Pants are associated with masculinity and dresses are associated with the feminine.

Society believes masculinity equals powers and control.

When a woman is described as “the one that wears the pants in the family” it is not a compliment. It is a subtle way of judging the man’s role in the marriage and calling the woman controlling.

Another common saying is “a happy wife is a happy life.” This statement implies a negative consequence if you do not concede to the woman’s demands. Happiness in a partnership should not mean one person controls all decision-making directly or indirectly.

The concept of marriage equality is haunted by stereotypical comments, jokes, and ideas around binary gender. This concept is rooted in patriarchal stereotyping and is a toxic view of gender roles.

Gender roles do not matter in a marriage if you are equal partners in life. Partners contribute differently with strengths and weaknesses. A healthy relationship has nothing to do with stereotypical gender roles.

Children are required

By choice or for physical reasons some people do not have children. Social pressure to have kids is intense and some view others as less than if they do not.

The toxic societal pressure impacts mental health. The inability to bear children is used as an insult and as a judgment. The judgment from others because you do not bear children harms your mental health.

No one should ever feel obligated to have children because of social pressure.

The bigger issue

Patriarchal decision-making is steeped in inequality, sexism, and discrimination. Society assigns binary gender roles which take away the power of those they deem unworthy. Inside the power dynamics of society, there is a ranking system.

“Several recent articles argue that suicide rates among men are persistently higher than among women due to the difficulty they face attaining traditional masculine norms, including personal autonomy and socio-economic security” — Current opinion in psychology vol. 5 (2015)

If you do not fit the biased idea of masculinity, you are not “man enough.” Toxic masculinity exists because of the external pressure on men to be the provider, the authority, and the one in control.

Equality does not mean a relationship has one in power and one that must be subservient. Equality in relationships is the desire to grow together, support each other, and love each other.

Love has no room for a power struggle. It requires unity, respect, and the willingness to make your idea of the perfect family a reality.