Be Rude

Subjective professionalism and unmasking as an autistic adult.

One of the most awkward and uncomfortable interactions we had in the workplace was being asked to “be rude.” We worked as an administrative assistant for over seven years. Part of being an assistant is professionalism. Even in the face of a disrespectful client — you must keep your composure.

The social expectations of professionalism are subjective and make navigation harder for autistic people.

We were on a video call, doing the everyday tasks and “niceties” or professionalism with a client. The client looked troubled and then said the oddest thing…

“You’re too nice. Please be rude.”

We have never had this request and it was a terrible feeling. Being told to be unkind to a client because our “nice” demeanor did support their productivity.

In this case, our reaction was unfiltered and direct. ‘No, I won’t be rude. That’s unprofessional.’

What do you do if a workplace defines professionalism differently? How do you discover how to be professional?

Job match matters

Some jobs won’t match autistic needs which is part of why it’s hard to autistic people to find work. The workplace pushes neurotypical conformity which prevents equal access for the autistic employee.

Workplace masking may look like:

• Modifying vocabulary
• Inflection and tone changes
• Forcing eye contact
• Actively avoiding stemming

These are red flags that the job may not be a good match for you. An employer that forces mental stress on you — is not a good place to work.

Masking is a safety mechanism to endure a workplace not built for neurodivergence. Masking drains your energy and harms your mental health.

Unmasking at work

Social interactions are subjective when it comes to levels of professionalism. There is no right way to be professional and masking to attain this unreachable goal is pointless.

Being authentic at work may not be possible for everyone. The responsibility of creating equity and safety for autistic employees starts with the company.

Creating an inclusive, accessible, and accepting work environment will only make life easier for your autistic employee. Less stress equals better work outcomes.

First and foremost, put your safety first before unmasking. If it is safe to unmask and you’re comfortable — do it. Your mental health will thank you.